BRAD ALDOUS: Essays

Dear Google:

In a moment of boredom last week, I googled my name. Not my entire name, but my first name, Brad. And I won't lie to you, I was extremely dismayed by the results. Shattered, if you will.

While I understand that many people have my name, and many people are better known and more searched on Al Gore's internet then I am, I found it hard to believe that after looking through 50 pages of "Brad" listings, there was not one that pertained to me. Not a single one. Nothing.

Now, I am an actor and comedian living in New York City, and I have a pretty decent resume and a nice web presence, and while I am by NO means famous (nor do i want to be), I was flummoxed by the results of my search. Here's why:

Many of the "Brad" listings are people who are obviously more famous or well known than me, and these I completely understand....

Brad Pitt is obviously a large presence, and arguably one of the most famous people in the world. I know this. I get it. Whenever I introduce myself in Mexico as Brad, people always reply,
"Brad Pitt??" and then laugh as if this is the funniest thing since someone first slipped on a plantain peel. So this one is a no brainer.

Brad Garrett from "Everybody loves Raymond." Granted. He's tall, he has a deep voice, and he's a poor man's Fred Gwynne. Everybody knows him. I'm down.

Brad Anderson, the film director. Sure. Brad Paisley, the country singer. Absolutely. Brad Gillis, the guitarist from Night Ranger. Sister Christian YES!!

Brad Henry, the governor of Oklahoma. Totally OK with that one. Brad Grey, Television Producer. HUGE industry player and a personal idol. Yes!!
Even the recently convicted actor Brad Renfro. (who is trying hard to overcome his love of all things heroin) I accept all of these.

All of these are totally understandable. I get it. Their Q factors are huge and millions of people know them. They should all totally take precedence over little old me.

But also in the top 50 were people like..

Brad Tylman, from Brad's World Reptiles....?

Brad Brauer, of the Gay Realtors of Phoenix!

Brad Efron, Department of Statistics at Stanford?? (and not even the chair!)

and finally Brad Crum, #1 Elvis Impersonator in Pennsylvania. Wait. Seriously?

Really? No offense intended to statistics, elvis impersonation, realty or iguanas - but I feel I should totally rank above these dudes...

Because while I don't sell homes, handle boa constrictors, compute differential equations or constantly utter, "Thank You, Thank You Very Much, " while adorned in a silver jumpsuit....
I am on television. Quite a bit. And I'm not bragging, but on the IMDB, I am ranked by the STARMETER at 216,948! (and Brad Crum was ranked just south of NOTHING) (and Brad who was in
"Big Natural Breasts 9" is ranked around 688,165, thank you very much!)

In all honesty - I am just curious how the search ranks people, and I will say that when i googled images with Brad Actor - I did show up twice on page 3, which is much more along the lines of
what I was looking for in a search engine return. Any light shed would be so so appreciated.

Graciously, your biggest fan. Seriously - I love you, google. You had me at "did you mean......"

Brad Aldous