BRAD ALDOUS: Home

1) The 250 million dollar system which converts urine to drinkable water aboard the International Space Station is still on the fritz.
One astronaut commented, “I’m just incredibly bummed I won’t be able to drink my own urine.”

2) Scientists are saying that for around 10 million dollars, they could perhaps regenerate a living wooly mammoth. Further, they
stated that for about the same price they could perhaps regenerate a living Larry King.

3) NASA released a photo of Fomalhaut B, the first-ever image of a planet outside our solar system, this week.
But already charges have been filed in a Los Angeles County Court alleging that Formalhaut beat up the Hubble Telescope outside the Sky Bar.

4) Ashlee Simpson and rocker husband Pete Wentz welcomed a baby boy yesterday, son Bronx Mowgli Wentz. The proud parents brag that the newborn is already making crappy music.

1) Charlize Theron was appointed a United Nations messenger of peace this week. Word on the street is that she speaks softly and carries a big plowshare. Which she uses to kick your pansy ass.

2) Kanye West announced today that he "will go down as the voice of this generation.." When reached for comment, about half of this generation responded, "Kanye who?"

3) White tigers in Singapore mauled a 32 year old zoo cleaner to death today. In their defense, he was crazy delicious.

4) NASA released a photo of Fomalhaut B, the first-ever image of a planet outside our solar system, today. But already charges have been filed in a Los Angeles Court alleging that Formalhaut roughed up the Hubble Telescope outside of Sky Bar.

5) The mounting public anger over the phone prank played by celebrities Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross during Brand's BBC Radio 2 show claimed its first exec scalp on Thursday when station controller Lesley Douglas resigned. Apparently in Great Britain, people still listen to the radio.

1) Mr. Blackwell, whose annual "worst dressed" list dinged movie stars, music icons and European royalty died last week at the age of 86. He quickly contacted his family through a psychic, calling his coffin, "Dowdy, uninspired, and boxy."

2) Using a complex genetic approach, U.S. and Chinese researchers believe they have erased undesirable memories from the brains of select mice.
Most of the undesirable memories, strangely, concerned men in white lab coats hooking electrodes to their brains.

3) The oldest-known tracks of a creature apparently using legs have been discovered in rock dated to 570 million years ago in what was once a shallow sea in Nevada. When informed of this Gov. Sarah Palin responded, " Yeah. Next your gonna tell me that men walked on the moon!"

4) Polar bears are dying out in the remote Arctic region of Chukotka because of melting ice and increased killing by humans, an expert with the International Fund for Animal Welfare warned on Friday. Sarah Palin called the expert's comments, "Assinine, " and stating, " Melting ice? How does melting ice hurt a bear?? I'll tell you what hurts a bear. Barack Obama."